Anyone who
has been following me on Twitter, or for anyone unfortunate enough to have
encountered me personally today, will know that I have spent the day in a
ridiculous state of excitement about the release of a certain movie. Almost from the moment I opened my eyes this
morning I was counting down the hours till the 6.50pm screening of Hansel &
Gretel: Witch Hunters.
Yes, really.
I dutifully
went along to the cinema this evening to see…well, mostly to see Jeremy Renner
but let’s not dwell on that. I’ve been
raving about going to see this movie for weeks now, so I fully expected people
to ask me what may seem like a very reasonable question – ‘was it good?’
Well, it depends
on your definition of good.
Whenever I
go to see a silly movie – and there is no getting around the fact that this is
a very silly movie – one of my favourite things is later reading all the
terrible reviews. The best ones are from
people who not only thought the movie was silly, but were surprised by
this. It’s called Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – the clue is in the title.
It's very much a movie of the Ronseal variety. The story catches up with the now-adult
siblings who have grown into leather-clad, gun-toting Jeremy Renner and Gemma
Arterton, saving the world with dubious one-liners and inexplicably
American accents. They are drafted in by
the mayor of a village tormented by some witches with a sinister plan of some
kind but honestly by the time you get to that kind of exposition you’re
probably not listening any more.
I’m not
saying that’s a bad thing.
The action
is suitably bloody, if a bit repetitive, and thanks to the 3D most of it seems
to be hurled in the general direction of the audience. There’s
a decent amount of humour – mostly snickers as opposed to laugh out loud
moments – and there’s some enjoyment to be had from the fact that the leads do
seem like they’re in on the joke. No one
seems to be taking themselves too seriously.
It’s not
without faults (clue’s in the title, remember?) – with a premise like this
there’s scope for it to be funnier, more outrageous and generally more chaotic, and I would argue it could have benefited from an 18 certificate
instead of 15. It is also seriously
lacking in the bad guy department – Hansel and Gretel seem so capable in their
roles as hunters that Famke Janssen’s Grand Witch never feels like a match for
them and they never seem to be in any real danger.
With a movie
like this, it’s all in the expectations (see also: Drive Angry, Battleship,
Snakes On A Plane) - before seeing this movie, I expected to see Hansel, Gretel
and witches. I expected to enjoy the
performances of the two leads, to laugh a little bit, to be entertained for a
couple of hours and to come out of it thinking it might be cool to be a witch
hunter. All boxes ticked.
Anyone expecting
more than that, remember, it’s called Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.